June's Fictional Productions

30, Single and an Aso-ebi Collector.

By Obianuju Mbagwu

I stand Out Everytime.

30, Single and an Aso-ebi Collector.

This was 4 months ago yeah, Zarrp,zarrp… My Phone was ringing and i was quite exasperated by its continued disturbance. I had this big pitch the following Monday and my bosses will not understand that i wasn’t prepared because my family kept calling me. I looked over and it was my cousin Tade. What on earth could she be calling me for. I wasn’t ready to hear about her perfect life and her perfect boyfriend at that moment, but she’s family, so I picked up. “I am getting marriedddd” She was shrieking so loud that i had to take the phone away from my ears. She continued “He proposed on our trip to Honolulu a week ago. I have been posting pictures and videos but you haven’t liked any of them. Hello, are you still there?” “Yes i am here, congratulations darling. i have been so choked up with work. Remember the big pitch I….” “Ayo, it’s ok abeg” She sounded irritated. “When are you going to leave that office of yours, find a man, settle down and spend his money” she then said. I was stupefied and really upset at the audacity and the nerve she had to open her mouth and say such trash to me.

What the heck!!!

I am a master’s degree holder in Economics and International relations. I work hard and earn a six figure salary. I have my own car and i pay my damn rent. All of which she can’t do without the assistance of her so-called boyfriend because she graduated with a Third Class in UNILAG three years after the appointed time for graduation. I was ready to tell her that she should include in the wedding budget an STD’s treatment package because that fiance of her’s is worse than a pig. But she’s family, so im’ma keep my disastrous tongue to myself.

Wedding Planning Mood Activated

“Is there anything in particular about the wedding you want me to help you with” I said, trying to get this conversation done with ASAP. “Oh yes yes. You know you’ve always had good taste for aso-ebi and considering the fact that you have over fifty-five aso-ebi outfits, i would like you to be in charge of the sourcing, distributing and the appearances of my girls that day” I wanted to say No, but i love weddings and any opportunity to be part of it’s planning process, i will take it and if i didn’t, I would be the talk of the wedding party. All the old women discussing among themselves how old I am and I don’t have a man. They would then recount the incident of two years ago when I turned down Jide, the Senator’s son just because he said I wouldn’t work again after we got married. So i agreed to her request. After this wedding i might consider opening a bend-down-select shop to sell off my aso-ebi’s. The call ended and as if that wasn’t enough.

My mother’s call came in immediately.

My oh my !!!

By the time the call connected I could hear her crying. My oh my. “Ayomipo omo mi, why do you want to disgrace me. Look at your little cousin of twenty-three, she’s getting married. Give me grandchildren this child.” I couldn’t deal with her at that moment so i told her i would call her when i got off work. She wasn’t happy about that. This pressure and grand expectations almost made me marry a man who didn’t share my beliefs or values and i wasn’t going to let that happen again. I am going to take my time, do me, serve the lord and live my best life because marriage shouldn’t define me. My accomplishments and who i am deep inside should.

Slayer’s Gang!!!

But as far as Tade’s aso-ebi is concerned, I’m go’n slay and I’m go’n slay hard. I need to place a call to my fabric distributor tonight and dive into Instagram to search for the next show stopping dress because as far as i am concerned, I am going to be Bella naija’s wedding guest of the month.

Pictures Via Pinterest.

Thank you all for reading.
I am still your favourite Wedding blogger,
Obianuju.