We moved into our two-bedroom home uptown and I poured my life into that house to make it a safe haven for us both but soon enough he stopped coming back home early and sometimes he’d go two days without coming back. What we both didn’t know was that marriage took work and we just stopped trying. There was something missing, a glue that used to hold us together, but it seemed as if it was gone. Or maybe it was never there in the first place. We kept using our feelings for each other and our uncanny abilities to reminisce on how great the past used to be, to replicate it in the present. I remember when it all began, his company assigned him a new secretary. I was so jealous. It was very apparent, even his co-workers were beginning to mock me whenever I came by his office but only my husband couldn’t see that this woman was after him and my peace of mind. So I waited for him to get back that night and all this drama ensued. “Hey babe”, he said as he walked in, I wasn’t even in the mood. “Michael, I came by your office today to see you but your secretary said I couldn’t” He stood oblivious looking at me, “did she know you are my wife” he asked, I replied “Yes I told her countless times”. He then concluded. “maybe I was in a meeting and she thought it was best that I am not disturbed” I wasn’t having it any longer, I asked that she be assigned to another department. “Don’t be silly” he said, “she is a good secretary and my staff alterations cannot be made due to the insecurities of my wife, work on your issues, woman” and he went off to bed. I didn’t let it go, oh I didn’t. Thinking back, what would it have cost me if I didn’t bring it up every day.

couple on beach

Marriage had a way of bringing out our worst insecurities and my pride wouldn’t let me apologize even though all I wanted was some peace and me in my husband arms. We humans are just something else, we miss someone, but we don’t want to be the first to call, we love them but we don’t want to say it first, we are standoffish because we want to keep a level of mystery, “make them no see us finish”, we are wrong but we don’t admit it and apologize because we don’t want to seem vulnerable or weak…. I was becoming a shadow of myself, I wasn’t sleeping all night because I always up waiting for him to come back home. I missed the days he would get off work early so we could have dinner at one the beach-side restaurants on the island and we would walk hand in hand, making funny faces at each other. My performance at work dropped because I was always poorly rested and I was obsessive over mike’s whereabouts. I was trailing his useless secretary all over social media, I even installed a tracking app on my his phone, so I could know where he was and what exactly he was doing. When I started at first, I applauded myself on how I was at the top of my game but when I saw a notification that he was at a hotel that obviously didn’t have conference rooms, I knew the end of my marriage was near. As I walked into that hotel room and saw him in tangled sheets with the blonde wigged bimbo, I felt nothing at first, just shock.

I walked out of the room trying to walk properly so I don’t fall because I suddenly felt wobbly, I walked faster and at some point I started running. I couldn’t handle the shame. As he called out my name trying to explain and apologize, I ran faster. Hotel staff were trying to calm me down, but I had already removed my heels and almost rendered someone’s forehead smashed. As I got into my car and started driving away, then I began to understand what exactly I was feeling, Rage. Mad rage. Immediately I got home, I was upstairs in seconds. I packed out all his suits, his ties, shirts and even his underwear and threw them through the balcony of our room, the room he hadn’t slept in for over 3 months. I went to the garage, got fuel and poured it all over his apparels. In a matter of minutes there was a huge fire in front of my house. My breathing was heavy at this moment, the calm was supposed to have come but oh, how angry I was, as I watched the fire increase, I knew my marriage was done. I slowly lowered my shaking body to the ground, as I cried hot tears and even though I could feel the scorching heat of the fire on my skin, I didn’t want to stand up from the position I was. The flames knew my story better than anyone….

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