Our dreams are limitless yes, we should aim to achieve much more, that’s true. But is it possible that in our quest for more we live as ghosts, not present in our present lives nor present in the future we hope to have? I could decide to work on my marriage or proceed on the endless journey of trying to find something or someone less flawed. I choose the former today.
David left home last week and hasn’t come back nor has he called. What started as a joke in the early days of our marriage proceeded into something we couldn’t control in the years that flowed by. We wanted to get to know each other, have ourselves to ourselves for some time before the kids started coming and after five years, we were ready but the babies weren’t coming. And that was the beginning of our end. From hospital appointments to fertility tests, the growing impatience of our parents, and my raging hormones, we didn’t know when our rock-solid ice started to break. We started to use our insecurities against one another and I threatened with divorce. I was manipulative and vindictive; he was indifferent and angry and the bliss which we once enjoyed became non-existent.
As I sit on our favorite sofa, watching our favorite show alone, all I want is to be back in my husband’s arms talking about our dreams and all the places we will go to and the people we will avoid. I wanted my best friend back and I ached so much. I had been crying so much for the past week, I couldn’t understand why my emotions were all over the place, my friend Tade said maybe the fertility treatments were still active. I am so tired of life. I haven’t gone to work in a week because I was always waking up tired. I am eating so much and feeling so nauseous every morning. I knew I could sit down and wallow in self-pity or find my husband and apologize and make my marriage work. I knew he would be at kunle’s place, his best friend, so I just drove there.
I parked on the street and walked to the gate in case they’d want to turn me back at the sight of the car. The gateman let me in, and I knocked. My gorgeous mountain of a man opened the door and suddenly I was tongue-tied. I was filled with so much emotion that I just burst into tears and as he gathered me in his arms, I felt peace return to my heart. We spoke for hours, stating where we got it wrong and apologizing for the things we could have done better. He went into the kitchen to prepare me something to eat and he couldn’t have spent more than fifteen minutes but in that short period, I had fallen asleep. By the time I woke up I was covered with a blanket with my head in his lap and a pregnancy kit on the table. “I think you should take a pregnancy test babe”